People have asked me how I am doing post Chi Omega president, and to be completely honest, the transition has been hard.
For a year, I walked into Xi Kappa with a purpose. I would come in, know my place, know my people, and do my deal. Now, I walk into the room feeling completely insecure. Yet the room I walk into is filled with women that know and love me. Instead, when I walk into chapter, I think to myself, “Who will sit with me? Who will notice me? Who will talk with me?”
When I explained this dilemma to a friend of mine she stopped me kindly.
Quickly, I realized my issue was my perspective. I was walking into the chapter room subconsciously thinking, “Here I am.” All of my thoughts were now focused inwardly and toward how others could accommodate me, but I was not even aware of this until I explained my dilemma to a friend
This friend kindly reminded me of simple truth. She told me that I have a choice. I can walk into this room , and either accept or reject these thoughts in my head. Next, I needed to actually laugh OUT LOUD to acknowledge how silly these thought were and to loosen the enemy’s grip on my current situation.
We all get into this trap- I promise we do. In new social situations, at gatherings, in classrooms, our human instinct goes into panic and survival mode, our inward being grasping on what we can control.
Our gaze goes to those individuals who seem to have it altogether, those who are in the crowd we desperately want to be in. We assume that these individuals are confident and “okay,” yet maybe just maybe, they want to be acknowledged themselves.
What if we walk into a room with the mindset of, “Here YOU are.” The pressure comes off of ourselves and our performance and immediately wraps outwardly toward the people in our circles. Let this perspective lavish itself among the circle and out toward people that you would normally not interact with.
Think about it! What a radical difference and impact it could make if every person had this kind of perspective.
Dear friends, I am continually being humbled by this thought. I have acknowledged how foolish this emotion was, but also how accurate these feelings are. But every day, every situation, I have a choice to make. Courtney Marie has the choice to look beyond herself, even when her soul is weary and just yearns to have someone approach her. But this choice of proclaiming, “Here YOU are” can ratify freedom and a fullness of joy.
Let us not assume, but instead radically look beyond ourselves to boldly proclaim to our peers that we too see THEM.
My story is not to have you pity me. Instead, this story is a proclamation of freedom and a declaration of the choices that we can freely make. I so desperately wanted to share with you that I too feel this way, and I get it.